Pus, Pus, Pus

So I didn't have a pulled muscle. Not even close. The almost unbearable pain was due to a big ass abyss full of pus buliding up over the last few weeks. As I was resting diligently the damn thing exploded! it was gross. there was liquid pus literally flowing out of the wound. there was so much pressure that it was coming out like a fountain. Nice. Gave me a shock that's for sure. Luckily one of my girlfriend's is a theatre nurse so I called her up, she cleaned me up and off I trotted to the emergency room once more.
After a two day stint in hospital I am now infection free but I do have a giant hole in my stomach that has to heal. Fun stuff. At least I know now why I was in SO MUCH PAIN. Don't get me wrong, I'm still in pain but its manageable and I can do things now like - walking, getting out of bed, going to the toilet without almost passing out in pain. It's put my recovery back a little but I know I'm going to be ok.
On another note, I am on puree food now. Yay. Oh the taste! I had scrambled eggs the other day - it was almost orgasmic. It's really weird not drinking with food anymore. I'm normally one to guzzle 2 glasses of soft drink with my meal and now I can't have anything 30min before or after my meal. That's a hard adjustment.

I slipped on the scales when I was in hospital.

So far 13kgs down. I'm trying not to mark my success by a number, it's more about the psychological side of it for me to ensure success but it's nice to know that the kilos are starting to come off. That's 28.5 pounds for my American friends.

Peace Out. xx The Fat Lady

No light, no light.

Despite my optimism last post a mere few days out of the theatre room reality has no set in. While I was feeling fine once out of hospital and relaxed once I finally got home I then did something stupid and screwed it all up for myself.
I have nothing but praise for my doctors and the nurses too. My wound (it was open surgery, not keyhole) is healing perfectly, very neat.
However a few days after arriving home, with the assistance of my mother I went grocery shopping. As my walk is still quite stiff and slow it took well over an hour to do the shopping. I didn't do any heavy lifting but I was absolutely exhausted when I got back home. Once everything was away, my dreams if cooking up soups all afternoon were dashed as I collapsed on the bed and remained there for hours.

The next day I woke up with a knife in my abs so hubby took me straight to the go. I had pulled an abdominal muscle. Right where I had been cut.
That was nearly a week ago. The pain of this muscle is excruciating, rest is the only solution. Lying down is the position I feel the least amount of pain.. Because of this I still have gas in my body because I can't walk as much as I should so I now have a knife in my left shoulder too.
At this stage I am eating about a 1/4 cup of food every mealtime. The dietitian would like to see that increase and I'm working on it. Once I am full it gets very uncomfortable. This lack of food and energy normally leaves me very faint by about 6 pm. I've been in the emergency room once, a few nights ago when I had a fever but the doc didn't think it was related and it came down relatively quickly. If I feel like there is a problem I can get an ultrasound but I don't feel like there is. It's just this damned muscle that's causing me trouble. You use your core for everything! Doing anything hurts. Doing nothing hurts.
It's important to say that despite all this I don't regret the surgery. Not at all. It doesn't help that I'm still feeling very emotional and I get stressed when people want to visit. So far only family has seen me and I can't see more than one at I time. I just can't handle it right now. It's hard now my hubby has gone back to work and I won't see him for weeks. I didn't realise how much I was leaning on him physically and emotionally. I know I'll get there. It's not even two weeks since the op, only early days yet. Perhaps despite the post title there is a little light there. Just a little.

Bed Bound, Fat Lady

Still Alive

Well it's now Saturday and I have the gastric bypass on Thursday. I woke up on Thursday night thinking "what the hell have I done???" I am off the drip and all my bags and tubes have been removed. Eating liquid only foods but I am eating. It doesn't take a lot to become full. It's a strange sensation learning when I am full. Up and walking but still quite sore. I had open surgery not laparoscopic. Pain killers are making me quite sleepy but its comfortable. I'd rather be sleepy and not in pain than trying to be brave and not having pain relief. Going to the toilet isn't fun and I make sure every time I need to fart that I'm on the toilet.
Anyway that's my post operation update for you!

Sleepy and a little stoned Fat Lady

It's Time

Well I am now in the hospital, in my fabulously stylish blue theatre gown. It is the most flattering garment I think I've ever worn. I am a little nervous but calm. Thank you antidepressants for finally kicking in. I go under in an hour. I have total faith in the surgical team, that's why I travelled 5 hours instead of going to my local hospital! Anyway not much more to say, I wish they were filming the operation coz I'm a little weird like that but it's not going to happen. If you are interested in the procedure go to you tube and search for Carolina surgery gastric bypass, it's a great video (although after my mother saw it she felt a little woozy).

See you on the other side - The Fat Lady

2 Weeks of Hell

It's nearing the end of my two week stint on my pre-operation diet. 600-800 calories a day. Water only. I did slip up two nights in a row - I had 2 Salada crackers with margarine. I don't feel too bad about that, it was either stale crackers or KFC. I've stopped watching television because of those nights. I think I watched the new add for the new KFC dippin' bucket about 8 times during one movie. I wanted it so bad. Basically for the last two weeks I have been living meal to meal, desperately waiting for the next shake or soup to make it's way to my belly. I've been incredibly depressed over the last month, dealing with the same issues of everything I have repressed for the last 10+ years overwhelming me. I'm working through them. I think once I am in hospital I will feel a little more relaxed. 

I keep getting asked if I am nervous or excited about the gastric bypass surgery. I don't really know how to answer that. It's normally followed by a comment on how much weight will I lose and how quickly? I'm not actually focusing on that. I know it will come off. I know I have to keep up with the dietitian's recommendations and I'm scared about vitamin deficiency so I will be doing everything I can to make sure I am getting what my body needs. My focus is still to get my mind working together with my body and to set myself up so I'm not sabotaging myself anymore or crying for no reason. I want to feel strong and confident, not pretend to and fall in a heap whenever I am alone. I think the lack of worry and attention I am showing towards the surgery is confusing people. Too bad. I'm working on my health, not the weight loss (although I'm sure I'll get pretty pumped as I notice changes within my clothes). I'm over the focus always being on the weight, not the health.

My Grandmother asked me yesterday about a wedding I am in next year, then elbowed me and said with a sly kinda grin, "you better lose some weight before then!" I sighed and replied, "that there. That is not helping me. I know that I need to lose weight, you know I know. Why draw attention to it to make me feel bad? What good comes from pointing that out?" She was a little surprised but saw my point. My family has had this attitude towards anybody's weight for a long time. I'm more than willing to stand up and make them think about what comes out. 

Anyway, I will update before I go under the knife and when (if) I wake up after the procedure. 

1 day 18 hours and 57 minutes to go.

Waiting for my next (maybe last) meal, The Fat Lady.