This blog has been a big ol' thorn in my side for ......... when was my last post? 2011! Such a classic dieting move. All hyped up to change your life and tell the world about it. Then, when it all starts sailing south (rapidly I might add) you're way to ashamed to keep up telling the world that you've failed once more. So, this is what I've been doing. Ignoring the problem. Fervently wishing that the fat fairy actually DOES exist and will save me from the Fat Lady in my head.
Well #&*% it all.
I'm not on a diet or a new lifestyle program I'm just looking at shedding some light on the situation. Honesty. Complete honesty. I can't be honest with myself. How can I be honest with everyone on the internet!
I am
BatShitCrazyGoosebumpsOnSkinHidingUnderTheBedWithABottleOfChocolateLiqueurAndAKnifeWhilePeeingMyself kinda scared about that kind of brutal honesty.
BatShitCrazyGoosebumpsOnSkinHidingUnderTheBedWithABottleOfChocolateLiqueurAndAKnifeWhilePeeingMyself kinda scared about that kind of brutal honesty.
Yes I could have succeeded and be on the track to health and happiness or whatever the hell happens when you shed the Fat from the Fat Lady. Yes I completely sabotage myself. Something happens (it always does) and I allow myself to eat, thinking it will help me deal the problem (No I'm not high, in denial maybe). Then feeling guilty about the binge eating, I would then end up sick on the toliet from the sugar and fat and grease, about to pass out because I feel so sick, vowing that things are going to have to change and I'll never do it again. It doesn't change and I do it again and again. The pattern re-emerges.
No I don't know why I do it. Am I subconsciously making myself unhealthy and sick because I don't think I deserve to be happy and healthy? Is it a form on self harm? Not sure and I'm no psychologist. Maybe that is an option. Will I consider myself a failure and binge again to punish myself for considering it? Probably. Mmmmm that does sound a little mad doesn't it? I do hope my madness resonates with someone.
So in this new year of 2013 what am I to do?
I don't know. It's time to figure it out. Can I keep up the honesty?
Later, Melancholy Fat Lady.
