Fail

A depressing end to an even more depressing week.

I weighed in today. I managed to put on a few hundred grams, my boobs are bigger, hips and waist are smaller. My body fat count overall is down and overall muscle is up.

Life is getting a little crazy right now and I KNOW I have still been under eating. Between crazy stress, being flat out busy and a jumble of emotional factors, I just haven't been eating enough. That's totally screwing with my metabolism and this morning my immune system has screwed me over and now I can't talk. To top it all off my husband works interstate right now and I haven't seen him in a fortnight and I won't see him for another fortnight.

Sometimes all it takes is having that support network there for you when you need it. This week my support network has fallen to shreds around my feet, leaving me flat to say the least. Here's hoping for a better week next week and maybe not such a depressing post.

Hunger v's Willpower

I'm struggling today. I really am.
I haven't had anywhere near enough food and my stomach is so loud it sounds like it's doing a drum solo. I know, I know - all my fault for not feeding myself enough and now I'm in a pickle. Or I'd love to be munching on one.
Everyone has a favourite take-away joint right? I have 5 and I'm craving something from each and every one. Damn. I finish work shortly and it's going to be one hell of a challenge to drive straight home.

Eek.

Hello Gym, meet The Fat Lady

Tonight was my first solo session at the gym. Well, actually my sister came with me but it was my first real workout session without the supervision of my trainer.

Oh ye trainer, thou shalt be so proud of Lady Fattybumbah.

Believe me he would. My dear sister whom boasts never to sweat, was wiping the sweat off her back after following my little circuit. I just used what I had learnt from my trainer and from what I'd managed to remember during my faster-than-lightning intro session to the gym where we looked at all the equipment and found out that the hell it actually did.
So here was my program for tonight (I'm still shaking a little and my legs are like jelly but I feel gooo-d! And forgive me, I'll get my trainer to correct my terminology after he reads this post.)

10min warm-up on the treadmill
15reps rows
30reps crossovers
15reps rows
30reps crossovers
2min on treadmill (flat out)
15 squats with weights
15 sit-ups
15 squats with weights
15 sit-ups
5min on the elliptical (cross-trainer)
15rep  chest press
(toilet break)
15 rep chest press
5min on the bike
10min cooldown on the treadmill

I think that's it. Now I have to go have some dinner, relax for a little then go to bed ready for work tomorrow at 7am. Oh goodie.

Week 1 - Weigh-In

Well here I am. The end of the first week. I had my personal training session this morning (my legs are still shaking) and I jumped on the scales hoping for a loss.

I did. Total weight loss in 7 days = 1.7kg (3.7lb)

I'm happy. This week I'll try to increase my exercise up to really get these numbers ticking. If you think 1.7kg isn't must - go pickup a bag of sugar. I dropped that much pure lard (hopefully right off my ass).

Dear Cheese....

Dear Mozzarella, Cheddar, Cream and Vintage,

It's been 8 days, 8 hours and 15 minutes.
I miss you.

Love,
The Fat Lady

Tip for the Day

Here's a big tip.

Do NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCE pick your nose after cutting chillies.

FYI - it burns.

Day Four - Cravings

I deserve a medal... or a chicken terriaki medallion, whichever.

So the last few days have been interesting to say the least. First and foremost I haven't eaten anything bed so there's a good start. I have definitely been under-eating (not on purpose) and it has really hit me today. I work at a service station  as a second job and standing there this morning with a stomach growling loud enough for customers to hear, all I could think about was shit food. I was surrounded in a sea of chocolate bars, potato chips, soft drink, ice-cream and hot pastries. It was hell. I could nearly see the little angel and devil on my shoulders whispering their arguments in my ear. I made it. I even took the backstreets home to make sure I didn't drive pass a drive-through.

Yesterday I officially became a gym member which is something I have NEVER done. I see a personal trainer weekly but one workout a week won't cut it so I've joined the 24-hour gym down the road. No excuse for not using it - they're always open!

Another thing that has really been ticking me off is that thanks to my wonderful new diet my skin is breaking out as it starts to flush all the toxins out. You want to do a 'DE-TOX'? seriously just eat good fresh healthy food and your body will flush itself right out.

So the Pros and Cons of the week are
Energy levels have lifted slightly.
Joined the gym. I abstained from eating anything naughty.
Toxins are leaving my body.
I'm sleeping ALOT better.

Still hungry because I have under-eaten, but I won't have a snack to make up for it - I'll make sure I get the right amount tomorrow.
My face and skin look awful and there's a new puss filled lump every 12 hours to pop.

That's it. mmmmm Pros outweigh the Cons. Could have been a better start but that's no reason to quit now. Killing that Fat Lady slowly, one celery stick at a time.

The D.D.D.D.D.Diet

This is a little guide I've done together with my trainer. The meal options are all suggestions and ideas. I've just written down a few examples of what I've put together when I've been on a diet before. The biggest thing for me is to make things look appetizing and taste good. If I eat meat and salad for 7 days straight I will fall off the wagon faster than you can say Chicken Fettuchinni Carbonara.

The Dreaded Weigh-In

Dum-dum-dunnnnn. Well the inevitable and dreaded initial weigh-in was this morning. I think my body knew what it was in for. I was waking up every half-hour from 3.30am just because I didn't want to sleep in and when I finally gave up and got up, I was coughing my guts up and dry-reaching. Bleary eyed I tottled off to my personal trainer....

The verdit wasn't good.

I'm already aware this is the biggest I have ever been because I've notcied that my knees are not as strong as they used to be or SHOULD be, my feet ache so much quicker when I stand for a period of time, as gross as it is I sweat more (and I'm not normally a sweaty person) because there are one or two 'fat rolls' that are bigger than ever and there's no air flow. The biggest and most alarming change I have noticed that if I'm sitting down on the couch or a chair I actually have to grab the side of the seat and pull/push myself to get up. This is crap. I'm young! Time to start feeling like it!

Ok so here's the verdict.

Starting Weight:           134.1 kg (295 pounds)
Body Fat Percentage:  54.6% (great all I need to do is cut myself in half - no problem)
Visceral Fat                 17 (this is the rating of the bad fat that coats my organs, sits in-between everything and makes a home in my mid-section. 17 is a dangerously unhealthy rating. 12 months ago that rating was 12 which is the last 'healthy' rating before moving to 13 which is deemed 'unhealthy')
Current Age: 23 Metabolic Age: 38

I'll put up the details of my new diet shortly and I will be weighing in on a weekly basis

New Beginnings

http://www.redbubble.com/people/elox/art/2951230-2-spiral

So here I am. At 23 I am the biggest I have ever been and hating it. While you may sit there and think

"well tough - you ate yourself stupid and ended up this big, deal with it! Lose the weight!"

Thank you Captain Obvious, I know that. I'm not here to bitch and whine about how its not fair that I'm fat (yes I'll use the 'F' word as it seems to be publicly and politically incorrect to use it, screw it - I know what I am - embrace it fatty fatties!). I'm here to report my successes and failures because one of my problems is that I never hold myself accountable when I slip and sometimes there are a lot of things that are just plain hard to talk about. Maybe there are some overweight people out there that read something I say and think "Yes, me too. OMG I've never heard anyone talk about this before." Or maybe if you are a nice healthy size and you're reading this, please don't be too nasty and judge - be thankful you have never dealt with some of these issues.

I don't know about anyone else but I'm damn sure I'm not the only one that does this. One day you find yourself in a situation where you think "that's it! The diet starts tomorrow" and the next thing you know, you've ordered a large pizza and devoured that, a litre of coca-cola and a very big serve of ice cream. 'One last meal'. And if you're anything like me after you're curled in a ball of pain because everything in your stomach has combined to create something that I can only assume is similar to napalm exploding inside you do you regret what you've eaten. You're in and out of the bathroom all night and swearing to never do this to yourself again. You get half a night's sleep, sleep in and skip breakfast, have an extra coffee at work (while still battling with your stomach) and before you know it the intention of going on this great new diet 24 hours ago is out the window and you curl up that night in your pj's eating pasta.

I've lost alot of weight before and put it on plus more. I'm sick of so many things. I'm sick of feeling like crap day in and day out. I'm sick of feeling uncomfortable on a night out. I'm sick of being told I have a beautiful face (said with a pound of pity). I'm sick of my feet hurting all the time because the poor little things have to carry so much weight every day. I'm sick of back pain, I'm sick of discovering new little injuries that happen oh so quickly and are only caused because of my weight. I'm sick of worrying my family about my health. I'm sick of the fact that if I get much bigger I won't be able to wipe my own ass. I'm sick of not having the energy to enjoy ANYTHING. I'm sick of being depressed. I'm sick of beating myself up over everything I do and punishing myself for every screw up every day. I'm scared I won't be able to be the person, wife and one day mother I know I can be.

No. NO MORE. Raise your glass - To the Death of the Fat Lady