No light, no light.

Despite my optimism last post a mere few days out of the theatre room reality has no set in. While I was feeling fine once out of hospital and relaxed once I finally got home I then did something stupid and screwed it all up for myself.
I have nothing but praise for my doctors and the nurses too. My wound (it was open surgery, not keyhole) is healing perfectly, very neat.
However a few days after arriving home, with the assistance of my mother I went grocery shopping. As my walk is still quite stiff and slow it took well over an hour to do the shopping. I didn't do any heavy lifting but I was absolutely exhausted when I got back home. Once everything was away, my dreams if cooking up soups all afternoon were dashed as I collapsed on the bed and remained there for hours.

The next day I woke up with a knife in my abs so hubby took me straight to the go. I had pulled an abdominal muscle. Right where I had been cut.
That was nearly a week ago. The pain of this muscle is excruciating, rest is the only solution. Lying down is the position I feel the least amount of pain.. Because of this I still have gas in my body because I can't walk as much as I should so I now have a knife in my left shoulder too.
At this stage I am eating about a 1/4 cup of food every mealtime. The dietitian would like to see that increase and I'm working on it. Once I am full it gets very uncomfortable. This lack of food and energy normally leaves me very faint by about 6 pm. I've been in the emergency room once, a few nights ago when I had a fever but the doc didn't think it was related and it came down relatively quickly. If I feel like there is a problem I can get an ultrasound but I don't feel like there is. It's just this damned muscle that's causing me trouble. You use your core for everything! Doing anything hurts. Doing nothing hurts.
It's important to say that despite all this I don't regret the surgery. Not at all. It doesn't help that I'm still feeling very emotional and I get stressed when people want to visit. So far only family has seen me and I can't see more than one at I time. I just can't handle it right now. It's hard now my hubby has gone back to work and I won't see him for weeks. I didn't realise how much I was leaning on him physically and emotionally. I know I'll get there. It's not even two weeks since the op, only early days yet. Perhaps despite the post title there is a little light there. Just a little.

Bed Bound, Fat Lady